My Journey

The practical steps

Then came the dreadful task of having to concentrate on the practicalities. Not something I wanted to do, but it needed to be done. I still had to keep the roof over our heads and support the children. To my horror this was not as straight forward as I thought.

All our income was stopped at the beginning of July. Lyanda was claiming child benefit in her name since before we got together. Our children got added onto the claim, which was never a problem. Until now. Everything else was in joint names. I now had to reclaim everything solely in my name. Until child benefit was processed, nothing else could be claimed so a long waiting game began.

I rang mobility care and informed them, i knew the car would need to be returned. The lady I spoke to was lovely. Ordinarily the car would need to be returned immediately, but she extended the pick up date as long as she could. The car would be picked up first thing on the 29th July. She said she wished she could extend it to the end of the summer holidays so I could take the kids out more. I was grateful for what she had already done, but that would have been nice.

I also rang the occupational therapist. I asked them to pick up the bed which they loaned us 2 years previous. That was difficult to deal with. I didn’t want it to go as it was there she lived for the past couple of years. But it’s also there I found her and I didn’t want or need that memory.

We have all decided we would like to stay in this house. Our family home. The landlord has been good and given us extra time to pay July’s rent due to our now financial difficulties. But we can stay as long as we want, which is a huge weight off my mind. The only thing that is uncertain is whether I will be able to afford to stay here. Only time will tell. But I hope so.

The Journey Begins

The next few days were horrendous. I had lost my best friend, my angel, my Wife. I didn’t know how i could carry on living without her. I knew I had to, i still had to raise our children. But doing it alone was not going to be easy. I wrote a short poem and posted it on my Facebook page. It summed up my thoughts and feelings.

Trying to get through each and every day
Since you were sadly taken away
I sometimes wish i was way up high
With you, another star in the sky

I know the kids need me around
So i have to stay here on the ground
As hard as it is all alone inside
I will continue to look up at you, far and wide

The funeral date was set for the 12th July 2018. The funeral was something to focus on.

During this time, I have had tremendous support from some truly amazing and wonderful people. The Salvation Army, our local Church, my parents, Lyanda’s Dad and his girlfriend, Lyanda’s grandparents and other members of both our families. There have also been 5 friends that have been outstanding in their support with me and the kids.

Without all the support, I hate to think what could have happened. I was in an extremely bad way, and I could have done anything. I definitely had the thoughts. I still do. But the kids need me, and that’s all that is keeping me going at the moment. And the support of family and friends.

And an amazing amount of support from a bunch of strangers on the internet with one common interest. A bunch of strangers I now call family too. I have met a few of them, i hope to meet a lot more. We bicker, we fight, we argue and we laugh. And we are there for each other when it is needed.

I have thanked everyone in any way i can for all they have done. I hope I don’t let anyone down. All I can do is get by, one step at a time – one day at a time. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and will be eternally grateful for your support and generosity.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton