2 years

2 years. 2 years since you were sadly taken away from us. 2 long years. 2 long and lonely years. 2 years where so much has happened, some good and some bad. Still each day goes slowly but time moves quickly. 2 years as a solo parent. 2 years on my own. With my own thoughts and no one to talk to. I miss that.

It’s been a tough few days, reliving the moments 2 years ago. Remembering the good and unfortunately the bad. With daily life and other things going on too, it’s really stressful and hectic. Don’t know whether I’m coming or going half the time.

But this ‘new’ life of ours goes on, one day at a time. Having to find strength I didn’t know I had, having to fight to get through each day. And it is a battle. Every time I think things can’t get worse, life challenges me.

One thing I have learnt is most people don’t want to know the truth. No one wants to know what’s going on inside my head. Yes, they empathise. Yes, they try to understand. Yes they are sorry. But no one needs to know what it’s like. No one deserves this pain.

Each day is the same, feeling the pain in our loss. For myself and the kids it’s a living nightmare. Their daily tears, crying ‘I miss mummy’ emphasises that grief does not go away. There are just better, more manageable days. Certain special days doesn’t make it worse as some people think, it’s hard every day. Anniversaries make our loss even more poignant. More painful. As time moves on, no one knows what lies ahead. Life is what we make it. I can only hope one day I will start to live again, not just survive.