Lockdown

It’s been a while since my last post, certain things have happened which has made it difficult to focus and mentally it’s been exhausting. One battle after another, it’s all taken its toll. But I’m continuing to plod on and trying my best to get through it all.

It’s a weird time we’re all experiencing. This time of lockdown because of the coronavirus. The loneliness, struggle, exhaustion, worries, changing moods and daily difficulties. It feels like I’m beginning my grieving process all over again. Everyone is isolated from each other, and for a good reason. Or at least meant to be. Staying away from loved ones and friends, only able to speak to them from a distance, by video call or on the phone. Using our daily exercise allowance for some fresh air, a change of scenery and as a bit of normality. Even though it is eerily quiet everywhere. We don’t have a garden, the daily exercise is the only escape we all have. None of this is easy. Our generation are all very fortunate to have not experienced anything like this before. It is a steep learning curve for us all. As hard as it is, it is a short term loss for our long term gain.

Lyanda’s birthday was on the 20th of April. She would have been 39 this year. Another year closer to the big 4-0 she was dreading getting too. Sadly, she won’t see it and I won’t get to wind her up about being nearly 40 either. For her, that’s probably a good thing. The kids drew some pictures for Mummy and we stuck them in the windows on her birthday. They are still there now.

As difficult as this is to say, for the first time in nearly 2 years I am glad Lyanda isn’t here. Not in a horrible way, but I honestly don’t know how she would have coped during these troubled times. With her health issues and her disability it would have been an extremely tough and traumatic time. Her anxiety would have been off the scale, her panic attacks would be constant and the worrying would have driven her to insanity. For her to not have to witness all of this is a blessing. Stay safe everyone 💜

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