My ongoing thoughts and feelings

Apparently I don’t talk enough, or not at all as it seems
Thought I’d write all this down, a bit daunting and extreme

Yes, I have the kids. And yes I am still here.
It doesn’t make it easier, with a head filled full of fear

Worrying constantly about my debt, finances out of control
Not sure what’s happening next, or what the future holds

Along with grief, hate and anger, it’s one hell of a heavy load
To carry inside all by myself on a long, lonely, winding road

This journey isn’t wanted, needed or even asked for
Struggling with it every day I just want to walk out the door

Depression getting worse, anxiety soaring high
A constant battle going on to see each day go by

The stress is unbelievable, the headache never ending
Worrying about every single thing. I’m fine, I keep pretending

I eat too much late at night as there’s nothing else to do
Putting on too much weight as its silent without you

I’m really lonely deep inside and there’s no one around to see
No adult around to talk to. No one here, just me

The thoughts inside my head, people wouldn’t understand
The way I come across to them, nothing is that grand

I say that all is good and there’s nothing wrong with me
A smile for the outside world. That’s what people want to see

I don’t talk about my problems, no one needs to feel my pain
Trying to survive til night time just to do it all over again

Unfortunately I’m now like this, a sad and lonely sole
No motivation at all, no more personal goals

I laugh, I’m sad, upset and fine all mixed up together
I cry pretty much everyday, it feels like it will be forever

Now I’m all messed up, a complete mixed bag of emotions
Failing to find my way through life like a shipwreck on the ocean

I once was an outgoing and happy, sociable person
Now I’m lonely with no self worth and it only seems to worsen

The friends I have are great, I couldn’t do this without them
Each and every one of you are amazing and absolute gems

For those I’ve pushed away, I’m sorry it came to that
My fault, without realising, I’ve been an utter prat

I’m trying my best to do it, whichever way I can
It’s not easy to do it all, I’m just an emotional man

I can’t help the way I feel, even though I have really tried
To be the person that I want, even with a brain that’s fried

Now that this is written, with my mind still filled with dread
That is me in a nutshell. And the thoughts inside my head