Depression and anxiety are really taking a hold of me now. I have over the past few months turned into a recluse, imprisoned in my own home. I only venture out if I really have to, and i block everyone and everything out just to cope with it. I don’t mean to be this way, but i don’t know of any way to stop it.
It all continues to get more difficult. Emotionally and physically. Worrying about everything. The stress of it all. Making sure, as best as I can, the kids are ok. Money worries. It is almost like a tank has run over me, and for good measure, reversed and done it again.
My existence at this moment in time is solely making sure the kids are ok. They are fed and have clean clothes. That’s about all I can muster. I have given up on myself. Not because I want to, but because in my eyes I don’t matter. As long as they are ok, that’s what’s important.
I have pushed people away too. Not what I intended to do, and not what I wanted to happen. But I understand it from their point of view. I am nothing like i was and I hate it. Why would anyone want to be around someone like me? I don’t want to be around me. The trouble is, I can’t escape.