Times continue to be tough. With 4 kids it’s not going to be easy, but the emotional and mental side are tearing me apart. I have to keep trying my best to fight my own mind. I don’t want to do anything, don’t want to go anywhere, don’t want to talk to anybody.
But, I want things to do, I don’t want to be at home and I also want to see people. I know it makes no sense, but it does to me. There is no happy medium, no in between.
I have to battle myself to get through each day. Simple things like getting out of bed, getting the kids ready for school, feeding them, washing the dishes, washing their clothes and even bedtimes. It is an achievement just to get through each day. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is. Then the cycle begins all over again.
As the time has gone, I thought it would be easier to manage each day. It isn’t. Physically it’s nothing different to what I have done for the past few years. Mentally, it is 100 times worse. And it’s this that makes the physical side of things harder to do. I hope it won’t be like this forever. At this moment in time, it seems like it will be.